Why Am I Crying?

by Rated PonyStar

Formally Edited by: Clavier, Mr. Minimii and Apple Cinnamon

Edited by: Unnamed Pawn and First_Down

Thanks to Catnipfairy for making this pre-image/Coverart

If there was one thing Scootaloo hated about winter, it was that the streets were so full of ice it made traveling much harder, even with her scooter. Today, her father, Crimson, had insisted on walking home together for safety reasons; otherwise, she felt she’d already be there by now. They left the schoolhouse and headed towards the edge of Ponyville with little to no conversation between them. It didn’t take long to arrive at the shoddy structure Scootaloo called home. She kept her scarf on as she entered. The temperature inside was always the same as outside, depending on the season. Walls groaned and sagged inward on decaying wood studs, and the plumbing was, in a word, terrible. Scootaloo could think of only one good thing about this poor excuse for a house: it was far enough from the town border that her friends never had to see it.

Crimson levitated his jacket and placed it on the coat hanger before sighing. “Do you want something to eat? I don’t get paid ‘till next week but—"

“I’m not hungry,” interrupted Scootaloo, walking down the hall. She stopped in front of the few pictures that hung crooked in their frames. Most were of Scootaloo and her father, while others showed the Cutie Mark Crusaders enjoying themselves during the holidays. Then there was the last one, tucked away at the far end by the adjoining wall, half hidden in shadow. Scootaloo didn’t know why she bothered looking at it every time she went to her room. It only agitated her wings, making them buzz in anger. The older pegasus mare in the photo stared back, an unassuming smile frozen on her face. It was like looking into the future every time, except for the eyes. The eyes were the wrong color.

Pushing her rage away, Scootaloo entered her room and rested on the lumpy, old bed her father got years ago. It wasn’t much, but it was better than the couch. She stared at her favorite crack in the ceiling and began to ponder if it had grown a few inches. Her thoughts soon drifted to the news that had changed her world in a flash. Diamond Tiara was dead. The nasty filly who she hated almost as much as that mare in the picture was now gone forever. No more being called a blank flank. No more comments about how poor she was. Diamond Tiara was finally gone.

Scootaloo knew that today was a sad day. After all, somepony had died. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to cry over a pony who, for most of her life, did nothing but mock and bully her and her friends for Celestia knows why. She had always wished Diamond Tiara would move someplace else, or get abducted by aliens or something. She never expected her tormentor to be out of her mane like this.

She glanced up at the sudden knock on the door. Crimson entered and sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh, giving her a sad smile. “Hey, kiddo. I’m sorry about what happened to your classmate.”

“Yeah,” muttered Scootaloo, shifting her position to the other side of the bed.

“Were the two of you friends?”

“N-no! Diamond Tiara and I were never friends! We hated each other!” replied Scootaloo, turning around with a pale face. Me and Diamond Tiara as friends? Ugh.

“Diamond Tiara? That’s Filthy Rich’s daughter isn’t it? What a loss...” muttered Crimson, shaking his head. He paused and looked at Scootaloo with a raised eyebrow. “You hated each other? Was she one of the girls that bullied you?”

“Yeah, she was one of them. Silver Spoon was the other,” said Scootaloo, narrowing her eyes. “She would always make fun of me and my friends for not having our cutie marks, going on about how dirt poor I am while she was fabulous and wealthy. I hated how she kept flaunting it, thinking she was better than the rest of us. The worst was when she called me ‘chicken’ because I still can’t fly that well…”

Memories of the name calling and public laughter made Scootaloo bite her lip. She could taste her skin about to break and draw blood. Her father put his hoof on her blank flank and patted it. “I’m sorry, Scootaloo. I know it’s hard sometimes. I used to be bullied too. You’ll find your cutie mark, I promise. As for your trouble flying, you know it’s not your fault…”

“Yeah, it’s not my fault,” uttered a bitter Scootaloo, but soon regretted it when she saw her father shamefully turn away. Softening her expression, she got up and nuzzled Crimson, who continued to stare at the wall with empty eyes. “I’m sorry… I don’t blame you, Dad…”

“Why not?” Crimson muttered, closing his eyes. “I’m not a pegasus, so I can’t train you.” He smiled but there was no joy to be found in the expression when he whispered, “I’d blame me.”

Scootaloo balked. “It’s not… No, Dad,” she shook her head violently. “I know you’re doing your best. And hay, Rainbow Dash has been giving me some really good pointers.”

Crimson gazed across the room to where Scootaloo had taped up her posters. The dominant one in the center was familiar looking. It was an action shot; Rainbow Dash reared on her back legs in the middle of some field, wings splayed in a grand presentation. The cocksure grin on her face complemented the flagrant attitude on display and invited promises of adventure and excitement. Above her head, a crude speech bubble had been drawn in marker, but the fillyish scrawl inside was still legible. “Go out today and be awesome,” it read.

“Is that enough?” he finally asked.

Scootaloo didn’t answer at first and let the question swirl in her head. She tried to form a clear thought, to give her dad some answer so he’d feel better. It wasn’t Crimson’s fault he was a unicorn, and it wasn’t fair because there should have always been somepony in her life to help teach her. Scootaloo tried to tell her dad that. She tried to tell him that her flying had improved since Dash started working with her, but the longer she waited the harder the words became to actually say. Her wings twitched in annoyance with each second delayed. Eventually, she shrugged her shoulders and huffed. “It’s what I have right now.”

Crimson snorted. “What you have,” he repeated. “But not what you should have. Not the life a normal filly like you should have. Maybe when your mother comes back--”

“Ugh, not this again!” interrupted Scootaloo, jumping off the bed and kicking a nearby toy ball. It bounced off one of the Rainbow Dash pictures on her dresser and nearly knocked it over. Scootaloo was grateful that Tiara, or anypony for that matter, didn't know about her situation with her parents. She had always lied, saying that her folks were busy with their jobs. That, at least, was true for her father. It was by only some miracle her mother’s abandonment wasn’t public knowledge. If anypony found out it would have been unbearable to deal with the shame, laughter, and even pity. “She’s never coming back, Dad! She left us and that’s that!”

“Scootaloo, she loved you. She loved you very much,” said Crimson.

“Then why hasn’t she been here these last four years?” asked Scootaloo, glaring at her father with venom in her eyes. Silence filled the room, barring the occasional drip from faulty pipes or the dull creak of rotten wood. Scootaloo shook her head and sighed. “How can you still defend her? Why do you still keep that picture of her in our house?”

“Because,” said Crimson, “what would I gain from hating her? I could be angry, but I’m… afraid of what will happen if I do that. I’ve seen ponies lose it completely and they become monsters. I don’t want to raise you like that, and I don’t want to make you suffer anymore than you already have. Besides, she's your mom, and the best thing she ever gave me was you."

"Dad... that's so cheesy," muttered Scootaloo, but she smiled nonetheless.

Crimson chuckled. "It's the truth, kiddo. Look, it won’t make any difference if I do hate her, so I forgive her and move on. Maybe you should do the same thing?”

“With Mom, or Diamond Tiara?” asked Scootaloo.

“Both,” answered her father, getting up. He patted her on the head and smiled. “I’m not gonna force you to go to the funeral, but you should think about it. Maybe it will give you some peace.”

“I don’t see any reason why, Dad. I never liked her and she never liked me. End of story,” reasoned Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.

“Everypony has some good inside them, Scootaloo,” said Crimson, shaking his head. “Maybe you never saw it, but I’m sure even somepony like Diamond Tiara had one. Just think it over.”

He smiled once more and made his way towards the front door, grabbing his jacket with his magic. “I have to get back to work. My boss only gave me a short time to come get you. Plus, I have to work at the dam for the late shift again. There’s still some peanut butter and bread left in the kitchen for dinner, but we’re out of milk.”

Scootaloo ran out of her room and hugged Crimson just before he opened the door. “Dad, don’t come home too late tonight. Please?”

Smirking, he messed with his daughter’s mane and nodded. “I’ll try my best.”

Once he was out of the house, Scootaloo huffed and made her way back to her room to stare at the crack again. Her thoughts drifted towards Diamond Tiara, briefly wondering if there was a good side to the evil filly. It seemed less likely as each memory involving her and her lackey Silver Spoon played through Scootaloo’s head like a projector: the Gabby Gums incident, taking the Crusaders' tree house, all the times Tiara called Scootaloo and her friends names or mocked them when they failed to get their cutie marks.  It only angered Scootaloo to the point where she punched her pillow and growled. “Good side, huh? That’s a bunch of ponyfeathers.”

Feeling bored inside the house, Scootaloo decided to take a walk into town. She soon regretted her decision upon seeing everypony in Ponyville mourning Diamond Tiara like she had been a saint or something. Homes and street lamps were wrapped with black ribbons. Ponies could be seen carrying flowers while making their way towards Rich Mansion.  It almost made Scootaloo sick to think that the same pony who once blackmailed her into writing nasty rumors about the entire community was being cried over, but she reminded herself that this was a serious incident. Even if she hated Tiara, it wasn’t like Scootaloo wanted her dead in the first place.

Still, they all may be willing to cry over her, but I won't. I won’t forget what she’s done. She was mean to me for no reason. So why should I cry for Diamond Tiara? thought Scootaloo, closing her eyes and growling.

As she lifted her eyes back up, Scootaloo gasped upon seeing somepony right in front of her and winced when they collided, the stranger’s horn leaving a mark on her forehead. Rubbing her head, Scootaloo cried out, “Jeez! Careful with that horn!”

“Scootaloo?” Shaking her head, Scootaloo saw that the pony she bumped into was none other than Sweetie Belle, who looked equally surprised. “What are you doing here?”

Rising up to her hooves, Scootaloo brushed some snow off before answering. “Taking a walk, just... clearing my mind.”

“About Diamond Tiara?” asked Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo froze up when she heard the name. “Yeah, I was thinking about her too. It’s so sad...”

“I guess...” said Scootaloo, shrugging her shoulders.

Sweetie Belle’s ears shot up as she slowly stared at Scootaloo, her mouth slightly opening. “Y-you guess? Scootaloo, this is horrible. Aren’t you sad about what happened?”

Scootaloo barely managed to hide her surprise. Of all ponies, she had expected a fellow Cutie Mark Crusader to be feeling just like she was. Then again, Sweetie Belle’s always been the emotional one. Casting her eyes downward, Scootaloo shook her head and answered truthfully. “Not really, it’s just... it’s just not a big deal for me. I mean, yeah, it’s unfortunate, but I can’t honestly say I’m going to miss her.” Rubbing her forelegs, Scootaloo wondered just how different life was going to be without Tiara. At least there would be one less thing to worry about every day. “We were never friends with her. Hay, she bullied us all the time, remember?”

To Scootaloo’s surprise, Sweetie Belle gave her a glare so fierce that it made her step back. “How can you say that?!” shouted Sweetie Belle, attracting the eyes of a few others nearby. “She may have been a bully, but she didn’t deserve to die! It’s a big deal when somepony loses their life, Scootaloo!”

“Well, obviously it is, but not to me!” replied Scootaloo, shaking her head and gritting her teeth. “Why should I care about her at all? She made fun of us, don’t you remember?! The way she called us blank flanks, blackmailed us, and more? She made our lives miserable!”

“That doesn’t make it right! Nopony should have to die and not be cared about because they made a few mistakes!” Sweetie Belle shouted back, stepping forward until the two were in each other’s faces. “Are you saying it’s alright for ponies you're not friends with to just drop dead and not care about them at all?! It’s not right for her to die so young! It’s not right for anypony to die! This isn’t something we can throw away, Scootaloo, and you’re being horrible!”

Scootaloo’s mouth dropped slightly as her best friend continued to defend their former enemy. It’s like she wants to be kind to Tiara now because she’s dead and all. Why should we when she showed us no kindness?

“I’m horrible? She was the one who was horrible! I can’t think a single good thing about her, and yet you’re talking about her like she was your best friend when she was nothing more than a jerk! I’m not saying I’m glad she’s dead, but why should I care?!” cried out Scootaloo, her face beet red.

“Because somepony died!” Sweetie Belle pointed out angrily. Scootaloo tried to say something, but Sweetie turned away with tears in her eyes and retreated despite her name being called out by the pegasus. Scootaloo continued to watch Sweetie until she vanished around a street corner, leaving Scootaloo to face a small crowd of staring faces and whispers.

Nervously, Scootaloo stepped back before galloping off the street and into a nearby alley. When she was sure she was alone, Scootaloo sat down and took a few deep breaths. Did I just really have an argument about Diamond Tiara with Sweetie Belle? Was Sweetie Belle seriously just defending her? Shaking her head, Scootaloo began to wonder if what her friend said was true. Am I acting cold? Yeah, she’s dead and that’s a bad thing, but… why doesn’t it feel bad? She started pounding her head. Ugh, this is so confusing!

Taking a deep breath, Scootaloo got up and walked out of the alley, searching for a place where she didn’t have to think about Diamond Tiara at all. Spotting a familiar gingerbread house, she made tracks for Sugarcube Corner. Thanking Celestia that there were no other customers, Scootaloo headed to the counter and hit the service bell.

“Coming!” called out Mrs. Cake from the kitchens. She soon appeared at the counter and smiled. “Hello, Scootaloo. Can I help you with something?”

“Yeah, mind if I hang out here for a bit? I need a place to relax. It’s been a stressful day and all,” pleaded Scootaloo, rubbing her temples.

Mrs. Cake nodded and proceeded to pull out a chocolate frosted cupcake with blue sprinkles. “Of course, dearie. You’re free to hang out here as long as you like. Have a cupcake on the house too.” Scootaloo licked her lips and thanked Mrs. Cake before chomping on the treat with vigor. As she ate, Mrs. Cake tilted her head. “If you don’t mind me asking, what’s the matter?”

After a quick swallow, Scootaloo looked at the ground to avoid Mrs. Cake’s curious gaze. Hesitantly, she answered, “It’s about Diamond Tiara…”

Instantly, Mrs. Cake’s hooves were pressed against her muzzle. Shaking her head, she whispered, “It’s such a terrible thing to happen to a sweet filly like her. And I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, Scootaloo, having lost a fellow classmate.”

“Yeah…” muttered Scootaloo, nibbling on her cupcake.

Sighing, Mrs. Cake looked towards the window where it had started snowing again. Yet instead of a feeling of wonder, a sense of dread was tied to it. “The twins are going to be devastated when they learn that Diamond Tiara can’t come over anymore. They really liked her. They’re not old enough to understand why she’s gone but still…”

Scootaloo raised her head in confusion. “What do Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake have to do with Diamond Tiara?”

A sad smile stretched across Mrs. Cake’s lips. “Why, she used to babysit the twins every so often.”

A second later, Scootaloo found it hard to breathe as she tried coughing the cupcake out of her windpipe. Mrs. Cake quickly gave her a glass of water and Scootaloo drank greedily before exclaiming, “What did you say? Diamond Tiara babysat the twins?! But that’s like… work!”

Babysitting the Cake twins was a job that made any pony shudder just thinking about it. The twins were wild, eccentric, and almost never went to sleep. Even professional babysitters from Canterlot went back on the train screaming in terror and never returned. The only three ponies who could handle them were their parents and Pinkie Pie. Although now it seemed there was a secret fourth handler as well.

“Oh, yes. It surprised me as well. One day Diamond Tiara came inside to get out of a rainstorm while my husband and I were busy with the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness. That’s when the twins started crying,” said Mrs. Cake, moaning. “Mr. Cake and I were too busy and Pinkie was out getting more ingredients for us. Suddenly, Diamond Tiara said she would take care of everything and went up to their room.”

“What happened?” asked Scootaloo.

“Soon enough the crying stopped,” answered Mrs. Cake. “Half an hour later we went upstairs to check on them, and the twins were in their beds, falling asleep as Diamond Tiara finished a bedtime story. After that, she asked if she could, secretly, be a babysitter for the twins when we needed one. It was strange, but we agreed to her request.”

“What was she like?” asked Scootaloo, hanging on to every word. She tried imagining this filly as Diamond Tiara, but she couldn’t see it. The Diamond Tiara I know would just call the babies brats and shut their mouths with duct tape.

“The foals adored her. She would play games, read stories, feed them, and even change them. All for free might I add. Let me show you a picture I took one time,” said Mrs. Cake eagerly. She ran out of the room only to quickly return with a frame.

When it was placed on the counter, Scootaloo’s eyes went wide and her jaw nearly hit the floor. The picture did indeed show Diamond Tiara, jeweled crown and all, resting on a large pillow with a picture book in her hooves. The twins each claimed a side and snuggled tight, wrapping their hooves around her like she was a giant teddy bear. Scootaloo wanted to deny it, but the proof was right in front of her. Diamond Tiara had actually taken care of a pair of foals. Thousands of questions went through Scootaloo’s head. Why would Diamond Tiara do this? What was there to gain? How was it possible for a rich snob like her, one who never worked a day in her life, to be that good at handling two foals at the same time?

“Scootaloo? Are you okay?” asked Mrs. Cake.

Scootaloo shook her head. “Uh, y-yeah. I’m fine. I think I should go home now. Thanks for the story, Mrs. Cake!”

She rushed out of the store before Mrs. Cake could question her. Once she put enough distance between her and Sugarcube Corner, Scootaloo stopped for a breather and looked at the grey sky. “What is going on today?”

First she learned Diamond Tiara died. Then Sweetie Belle accused her of being cold-hearted and mean for not caring about it. Now she discovered that Diamond Tiara, who mocked her and her fellow crusaders for being “babies”, was also a babysitter? It’s like reality has suddenly turned upside down!

Deciding she’d had enough weirdness for one day, Scootaloo was about to make tracks for home when she spotted a filly nearby, crying her eyes out. Scootaloo prepared to walk over and ask what was wrong, but the filly turned around and instantly stopped crying the moment she saw her. Scootaloo, in turn, also froze in shock upon seeing the teary-eyed Silver Spoon, who looked like she had seen better days. Bags were under her bloodshot eyes while her mane looked almost as droopy as Pinkie on her off days. Tear marks and even small signs of snot could be seen on her face while her glasses hung awkward and crooked.

The two fillies stared at each other in silence before Silver Spoon snapped out of it and adjusted her glasses. She turned away and hissed, “What do you want?”

“I… uh,” Scootaloo rubbed the back of her neck, “I just wanted to see if you were alright?”

“Do I look alright?” asked a deadpan Silver Spoon.

“Jeez, I was just asking,” mumbled Scootaloo, rolling her eyes.

“Whatever…” said Silver Spoon. “Did you have anything else to say?”

Scootaloo gulped and sighed. Might as well be the ‘good’ filly and say it.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Diamond Tiara.”

Silver Spoon snapped her head around as Scootaloo finished. She continued to keep her stone gaze up for a while, making Scootaloo nervously step back a bit. Silver Spoon growled, “You’re lying. You’re not sorry. I bet you’re glad she’s dead!”

“Wait, what?!” yelled Scootaloo.

Silver Spoon marched up to Scootaloo and shoved her nose right against her muzzle, their eyes inches apart. “Yeah! I bet you’re glad she’s dead! And I bet you wish I was dead too, right?” demanded Silver Spoon, gritting her teeth.

“Now hang on a min—"

“Right?! You and your friends must think it’s so funny!” Silver’s face twisted in pain and anger. For the second time today, Scootaloo found herself backing up from an unexpected outburst. “The bully finally got what was coming to her. Mean old Diamond Tiara is dead! The only thing that’d make it better is if we’d both been killed in that accident!”

“I don’t—”

“You three should throw a party over it!” Tears were leaking from her eyes as she continued to shout. Scootaloo flattened her ears, anger starting to well up inside her. “Just have a big celebration! But my best friend is gone. She died in front of my eyes, and there’s nothing I can do about it! So don’t pretend like you’re sorry when I know you’re not! And don’t act like you can talk to me about this! You still have your two best friends. You don’t know loss, and you don’t know how this feels!”

“Enough!” The word left Scootaloo’s mouth before she realized she’d said anything, years of endured frustration and impotence released in one cathartic scream. She reared back and shoved her front hooves out, catching Silver Spoon mid-stride with a solid thunk to her chest that knocked her to the cold street.

Scootaloo’s shadow loomed over Silver Spoon while the prone filly tried in vain to adjust her glasses and suck air back into her lungs at the same time. Staring down at her, Scootaloo saw flickers of emotion as their eyes met. Surprise. Fear. And then something else, something that forced the pegasus to stop. It wasn’t that Scootaloo knew what she was going to do next. She felt like her body was running on something purely instinctive, but the look in Silver Spoon’s eyes made her pause anyway.

Expectation.

Silver Spoon was preparing herself for… something. Scootaloo didn’t understand. Was this supposed to happen? Did she want me to push her? What the hay is going on? Scootaloo closed her eyes and slowly lowered the hoof that she didn’t even realize until now was poised in the air and ready to strike.

Instead, she leaned menacingly forward and growled. “Now you listen up, you brat! I don’t like you, and I never liked Diamond Tiara. I sure as hay don’t care she’s dead. And why should I, huh? All you two ever did to me and my friends was make our lives as miserable as possible! We never did anything to you but you never stopped! You’re right, okay, I’m not sorry. But don’t ever think I’m happy she’s dead. Don’t ever think I wished for it to happen. That’s what you and Diamond Tiara would do!”

With a shake of her head, Scootaloo continued. “So maybe you both deserve this. Maybe it is karma, because you’ve both been nothing but stuck-up jerks your whole lives. I don’t know and I don’t care. I may not have wanted Diamond Tiara dead, but I’m not gonna mourn over her either. She was nothing but a snobby, rich, showoff, ego-driven, bully and I hate her, and you, for it!”

Scootaloo took several deep breaths, feeling as though a weight had suddenly lifted off her shoulders. She watched as Silver Spoon stared at her with a look of disbelief and shock. The grief-stricken filly opened her mouth a few times, but nothing came out. Finally, Silver Spoon lowered her head and mumbled, “You’re right…”

Of all the responses Scootaloo could have imagined, that one was easily the most unexpected. She blinked, not fully registering it. “Huh?”

Getting up, Silver Spoon looked at Scootaloo with such emotionless eyes that, for a split second, it was like looking at a zombie. “Maybe this is payback for all the mean things we did. We never really wanted… we just… I…” Silver Spoon shook her head. “I guess it’s too late to think about it now. We just wanted to be safe, not like what happened that summer…”

“What summer? What are you talking about?” asked Scootaloo.

Then, in a sudden move that took Scootaloo by complete surprise for the fourth time that day, she felt Silver Spoon wrap her forehooves around her. Holding back tears, Silver said, “I’m sorry… for everything. It’s too late now, but I’m so sorry…”

“Silver Spoon…” muttered Scootaloo. She tried to think of something to say, but her mind kept fumbling the words.

Silver Spoon ended the hug and sighed. “You may have only known her as a bully, but I knew her as something else. A friend. A sister. A good filly that didn’t deserve this, but it doesn’t matter now.”

Without a goodbye, Scootaloo watched Silver Spoon slowly walk away. She dragged her hooves like they were chained in iron, leaving the stunned pegasus filly in the middle of the snow-filled street.

It took her a long time to realize she had been given an apology by Silver Spoon.